I’m going to share my testimony with you, and I pray that God would use this testimony for His glory.
I went to church with my mom as a child, until my parents had gotten a divorce when I was nine years old. I was told in church as long as I had said a certain prayer I was saved. As I grew, I always believed I was saved, but I did what ever I wanted. I then was invited out to a youth group. I went and had lots of fun. It was there that I realized I was not living my life for Christ. I prayed that God would change my life, and make me the person He wanted me to be. I began to rely on God, but it was a childish relationship. (I was only 14 years old) I had gotten my first boyfriend, and when that ended I fell away. I came back, and fell away again to party my senior year of High school, and began having sex with any guy that was interested in me. By the time I was eighteen years old, I was starving for attention from God. I became depressed, and started to lose weight. I didn’t get real skinny, but I did lose enough to start turning guys heads in a big way. That was when I met my husband. He was not a Christian or should I say not a practicing Christian. I actually thought he was a “bad boy.” It actually turns out that he had not done as much worldly stuff as I had. We began dating. I then realized that I wanted to get my relationship with God on track. I convinced Scott to start going to church with me. We began going to Anchor Bay Church of the Nazarene. It was a “Feel good” church, in my opinion. Scott and I rededicated our Lives to God. We then got married in 1997, and had Dakota in 98. We quit going to the church when we started receiving phone calls when we missed any type of service. It got frustrating, and we knew that God did not want us there. We just didn’t know where God wanted us. My Grandfather died in 1999, and we began going to church with my Grandmother. We were attending about 6 months before we were asked whom we were visiting with. We did not want to be in a church with such a large attendance. We were lost in that church. My stepbrother invited us out to this church in the end of 99. We have been coming here ever since, and it has been this church, along with Pastor Mike that has changed our lives. Here is where my story begins…
You see the struggles that I had before my marriage. I never dealt with those issues before I was married. I still used guys for fulfillment, instead of God. I graduated from college, and began working full time at Mercy Hospital as an Accounting Specialist. I loved it there! I was moving up the ladder quickly. The money was great! I wasn’t happy though. I began to look at other men. My focus turned from my husband to a man that I thought was awesome, and beautiful. I then started counseling with Pastor Mike, but I had gotten pregnant with Charlie, so I thought I was better. I never got to the source, my relationship with God. I still was not happy. I quit my job to stay home with the kids. I still was not happy. I then started to work for the church in September 2001. I was still not happy. A man started to come to the church and we began talking about his life. I saw this as an opportunity to help him. Doing God’s work that would make me happy. Wrong! I fell in love with him, and him with me. We started doing things together outside of church, and got to a point where I actually kissed him. I was about to file for a divorce. I wanted to be with this man. That would make me happy. Scott and I had just fallen apart. He was not the one who satisfied me, but this new man would. He would make me happy. God was mad at me. I know this. I felt the hatred, and darkness that was between God and me because of what I was doing. I never kept any of this a secret from Pastor. He was involved the entire time. The church was even talking church discipline. I was gone. I was leaving the life God had provided me for a man. I felt trapped and hopeless. No one understood what I was feeling, and everyone just told me how wrong I was. I knew that I was wrong, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I was in love with someone other than my husband. I still loved Scott, but it wasn’t the same as it once was. There was also a circle, because Pastor was counseling this other guy as well, and things were really complicated for me. I then went to my family reunion in Arkansas to get out of that loop. I had to make a serious decision, Scott or this other guy. Well I started to think about it, and I couldn’t make that decision. So I made a different decision. I chose God. I didn’t stay with my husband, because I loved him more than this other guy. I stayed, because that is what God wanted me to do. When I told Scott, he didn’t want me back. I was devastated. Pastor intervened and Scott realized that I was making the right decision, just not the way he wanted it. He let me stay. We have had major struggles and fights since I made that decision. The other guy did not leave the picture right away. We tried to be friends, and because of my feelings for him I just could not let him go. Truth be told I didn’t want him to go away. Scott finally had to tell him to stay away. He has left our lives, but we see him all the time. I have changed, and people have noticed the change. I no longer put me first in my life. I made the decision to follow God no matter where it takes me. My life has not gotten any easier since I chose to follow God whole-heartedly; it has actually gotten harder. I have since learned that no one is ever going to make me happy. No Man will ever make me happy! God is the only one that can fulfill me. He does not promise us happiness here on earth, but He does say that we will be persecuted for Him. I can say that since this life change, I have been persecuted. Persecuted by those that I love the most. This church’s faith and dedication to the truth has saved my life, but more importantly it saved my family. Scott and I still struggle, but we are focusing on God. We sacrifice time and money to instill the faith of Christ into our children. We are growing everyday, and are open to the true word of God.
I have come along way, and it all started with one decision, to choose God. I see now that I have a purpose, and I chose to work at fulfilling that purpose. He is my Strength, my Friend, my Master, but most importantly my Savior.
